Tricia Parido wrote this article in the latest issue of the Lead Up for Women Magazine in the Lifestyle section. Please click the link below to download the magazine if you like the article.
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This may be a unique way to begin, but I believe-no, I know-for us to be in the same headspace, we need to be jumping into the conversation from a place of self-reflection, personal identification. We need a specific focus on our personal needs. Therefore, I am starting with this personal assessment, or survey, if you will, to get your juices flowing and give you a point of reference.
For the following, choose one answer to describe where you are with each area below be using the following answers:
I hope you are feeling in tune and in touch with yourself, because at the end of this article, I want you to feel you know what your body, mind, heart, and soul are telling you. I want you to say, "I feel like I'm no longer catching things after the fact and having to be in this constant cycle of repair."
My hope is that you find your intuitive mindset. I want you to understand your personal needs, desires, and aspirations. But more important, I want you to know how to experience yourself in your environment-how you are received by others. Why? Because in another article, we are going to identify how you can make the necessary shifts to obtain lifelong maintainability while continuing to grow, change, shift and morph in a positive momentum.
So, here we go. Just make sure to go slow. Proceed at your own pace-one that is not rushed. This will help you know what to watch for, listen to, and truly hear what's going on in your mind. Find out where you are strong. Really take find where, with who, in what situations, what environments, and what processes things pop up.
Let's take emotional reactivity or kneejerk reactivity. You may say, "I really feel like I am very responsive. I don't feel kneejerk or emotionally derailed by things outside of me." But you might also say that when you attend a gathering with your family, friends, or colleagues, you experience reactivity-driven incidents. You sense triggers where you need to either have your skill sets handy, or cultivate new, more effective ones.
I want to get specific here. First, you must create categories, i.e., home, family, social, professional, etc. Next, you must know who is in what category, because if we attach the prompter, or what you perceive the prompter to be, you don't want it to be attached in a generalizing fashion. You can't be broad here, so narrow it all down. Make sub-categories. Call out all your different units. Give this focus. Here's an example of what I mean: In your professional category, you don't want to attach issues with your boss or clients, right? So be specific. Call it all out-super visor, subordinates, colleagues, clients, all of it. Do this with every category.
A client of mine had an attached feeling of being invisible, undervalued, dismissed, and disposable to her entire family. Once we went through this process, we uncovered that the only place she truly felt these things was in her relationship with her sister. This made the work so much easier for her to fathom. The repair headed into the right direction in no time at all.
Say you are operating in the stance of a judger, where you are in a state of constant comparison. To be frank, both stances set you up for feeling like you don't have enough, you aren't enough or you aren't content. But when you dig deeper, you can see where you are content, you are on track, and that you just haven't adjusted your internal dialogue.
This is where you want to be willing to put the work in where you can look at these specific areas that you feel and notice random periods or situations of reactivity. This is where you can see what's truly going on, who was, or is, there, and in what environments. Instead of attaching ii to a broad thing, you can filter it down to that one person, one action, one whatever, because it usually is not a broad thing.
Now that you are in a reflective state of mind, identify those feelings of needing to be right, prompted, or soothed. Why did you need soothing? What happened? Next, dissect it all the way down. Here's the deal: You have an aspiration of where you want to be and how you want to feel, so accept that as an evolution. Believe that you can live your life without feeling punished, restricted, guilty, or selfish.
Pull out, or create, your "I believe..." statements. What do you want to attain? If you are not already there, why? You can see it, taste it, smell it, so why aren't you there?" This is what you need to find out. Why do you want it? What does it mean to you? What would it mean to you if you don't get there?
If you are thinking, "I don't want to be reactive," what do you need to get started? We're all human. We all get annoyed. It is what we do going forward that makes the change. A shift is possible.
Go through each one of those line items in the opening survey. Focus on each individually. Take a day or a week, but take the journey. Formally shifting and preparing for lifelong maintainability takes time, attention, focus, clarity, decisive action, tenacity, belief, faith, and gratitude, especially when you desire to invite your environments to experience you in the way you want to experience living yourself.
This is a very finite place of knowing-a space where you must acknowledge and reward yourself every step of the way. Every small bit is progress. Each space that falls short is identified. Allow room to be genuinely, honestly, and authentic at just how far you have come. Embrace how capable you are to walk in your intuitive mind versus your emotionally reactive stance.
Feel your autonomy as you navigate through this. In the above list, feel free to add, edit and delete to fit your aspirations. And don't get overwhelmed. Know that becoming aware of, observing yourself, and creating your very specific categories has been enacted to motivate you. So, even if you have 10 different things that make you kneejerk reactive, embrace them. Celebrate that you identified them and find your support.
I'm just a message away.
is a Recovery Lifestyle Enthusiast, Speaker, and published writer. As a nationally Certified Life Coach, an International Master Addictions Specialist, and a Professional Life Interventionist, she holds a Psych Degree in Process Behavioral and Chemical Addiction. Specializing
in life transitions and post-treatment journeys, Tricia is committed to helping her clients around the world find the emotional intelligence they need to conquer their life challenges. As an active business owner of Turning Leaves® Recovery, Life and Wellness Coaching, she teaches her clients how to live the life they desire and "live "
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